I decided to start this blog because I am unemployed. And because I wanted to…but mainly because I am unemployed and the novelty of not waking up to an alarm, or even before 10:30am has long worn off. I literally have no hobbies so a blog just made sense.

I was working in conveyancing at a boutique law firm here in Canberra since I got back from London. Everyone in the office was awesome and I’ve never had better bosses, but I learnt the hard way that if you are susceptible to stress and anxiety, conveyancing probably is not for you. That was at the commencement of the Christmas holidays and this is pretty much the longest I have ever been unemployed for. I’m actually so poor that I have recently signed up for job seekers allowance – more affectionately referred to as “the dole”. This requires me to make frequent trips to the Centrelink office – a blog entry in itself I feel as the things you see and hear in there are pretty hilarious, so watch this space.

Unemployment is a funny thing. I realised the other day that I turn the most quick and simple tasks into a whole day by dragging out the events, just so I have something to do. For example: doing your nails. 20 minute task – tops, right? That would be incorrect, please see below:

Trim my cuticles whilst watching telly – 30 minutes

The most intricate filing and buffing job you’ve ever seen – 1 hour

Shower (so you have a clean canvas to work with, obviously) plus the full pre and post shower regime including cleansing, exfoliating, moisturising etc – 2 hours

1 coat of nail polish – 20 minutes plus 30 minutes drying time.

Second coat of nail polish – 20 minutes plus 30 minutes drying time.

Top coat of nail polish – 20 minutes plus 30 minutes drying time.

According to my calculations that is 6 hours, the sun is now setting and the day is over (also my nails are looking fresh).

I wouldn’t even have time to  prepare such a tedious schedule if I had a job. When I don’t have tasks that fill up my day like doing my nails, you can pretty much guarantee I’m watching a cooking show. I watch cooking shows every weekday from 9:30am to 4:30pm. It is my full time job. I now have an extensive knowledge of many different recipes, cooking techniques and kitchenware. I know what the fuck a plancha is – do you? No! Because you’ve got shit to do.

How much do you know about your postie or mailman? Nothing, he just leaves letters in your letterbox when you’re at work? Well, mine was born in the Czech Republic bitches. I would have no idea who was delivering my mail if I was not at home during the day to sign for packages.

Weekends are no longer a treat and I have lost all concept of time. “Enjoy your long weekend!” beamed the girl at the laser hair removal place as I left this morning. Oh right, it’s a weekend…and it’s a long one. The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is that weekend daytime free to air television is utter shit. There is also more people to hang out with on the weekends. Your friends are more willing to get drunk with you too. They often don’t want to get drunk during the week so they don’t have hangovers at work…losers (said the unemployed girl who drinks her dole money away on weekdays, often alone).

I have also become incredibly lazy. I have all this spare time and still can’t be arsed to clean my room – the place where I spend 95% of my time at the moment. And my room is MESSY. Have a look for yourself, but a quick warning that what you are about to see may shock and disturb you:


Yeah, I’m a pig, it’s a problem. But see, I wasn’t joking, I had to stand on the end of my bed to take that picture because that is pretty much the only place clear enough to stand. I actually still have boxes in my room from when I shipped my stuff back from London almost a year ago. In fairness, I didn’t get it back for 3 months after I got back, so those boxes have only been sitting there for 9 months haha. When I had a job I could use the very poor excuse that I didn’t have time to clean my room, but now it just can’t be justified.

The longevity of my unemployment has been defined by the fact that I am moving to Melbourne at the beginning of April. It would have been pointless to get a job in Canberra when I would have to leave it soon anyway. I have had a few things on in Canberra and Sydney the last few months, so it just made sense to stay in Canberra until then. As you can probably tell I am very much looking forward to the move and going back to work. I can’t wait to have money and a reason to live again (lol). Hopefully the job market in Melbourne is kind to me and I find something quite quickly.

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